Well, if you know me you know I like to dress just a little bit homeless. Not so homeless you won’t imagine making out with me but homeless enough you’ll offer me either a sandwich or a forty. PS: it’s always going to be the forty. I eat enough. In fact, my eating is what has recently made me look less homeless than usual. Like, ya don’t see a ton of overweight homeless people. And when I do I’m like, umm…I think you’re doing just fine.
I shop a lot at thrift stores and normal stores and one thing I’m not getting is why they are STILL putting shoulder pads in women’s jackets? No, no, it wasn’t a thing of the past – it is STILL a thing, the pads are just thinner, but still stupid. Really though, am I trying out for JV football? Might I run into Patrick Mahomes on my way to work? Because if there is a chance, I will be taking off the jacket with shoulder pads. I will be asking him to take his off too.
This week at the thrift store I bought a white lab coat I found. You know we don’t all know when we’ll be getting into some science. One day I showed up to high school and it was announced I’d be performing emergency surgery on a dead frog. So, at least now I have the coat.
If any of you need to give some medical advice soon – call me. I’m more prepared then you. If any of you have a kid with a loose tooth, call me. There is just so much more in life that will be taken seriously, and calmly from the person in the white lab coat.
I love the thrift store and l love knowing that all my jeans were once worn by an 80 year old man. When Macklemore rapped about “wearing your grandpa’s clothes” he was literally talking about my pappap and me.
Most girls are wearing 80’s jeans again. They didn’t get the memo that the 80’s were not cool for anyone but Madonna. Regardless, even the popular girls today are wearing their pants like Urkel. All the tweens are wearing mom jeans. I realize that is because a lot of moms these days are 19, because MTV made Teen Moms something to aspire to be, but in the past, we did not want to wear jeans like our mothers. Our moms were 54 and battling menopause like a rabid dog being attacked by a swarm of bees.
I never, ever wanted to dress like anyone I knew unless it was Denise on the Cosby Show. And when I was young and someone asked what I wanted to be I always had the same reply, “an orphan”.
And I wasn’t kidding. Punky Brewster, lil orphan Annie, Pippi Longstocking – all my heroes – all orphans. My favorite character of all time was Penny – Inspector Gadget’s niece. We never found out what happened to Penny’s parents but we do know it had to be bad enough for that lunatic Inspector Gadget to get custody. And we all know the real reason Inspector Gadget isn’t married – it’s still not legal everywhere for men to marry robots, but I’m sure that day is coming and I’m all for it. Well, I’m for women marrying robots but either way, I really just wanted Penny’s dog and video watch and for her to get just a little credit for getting her dang uncle outta every single jam.
The real reason we didn’t want to share clothes with our moms is because they were truly our moms not our porn star partner. Trust me, it isn’t cute when your jeans are so high they cover your umbilical cord. I know they call the jeans “high waisted” but outside of fashion we just call it camel toe.
The only chicks wearing their jeans that tight have got to actually be high, and wasted.
Had I not been born in KS. and attracted to a cute, blonde haired blue eyed boy in Kindergarten named Randall, I may have very well been gay. There are some of us that have very lesbian qualities but I also don’t think we should judge us androgynous types either. In 6th grade when I did cut all my hair off my ‘lil middle school boyfriend broke up with me to which I said, Good Riddance nerd!
I bring all this up because for as long as I can remember I was an avid fan of lesbian comedians even before truly knowing they were gay. I followed Ellen DeGeneres while she still had a mullet. I enjoyed Paula Poundstone and Rosie O’Donnell before her TV show – but my ultimate jam – my hero of comedians has and always will be Tig Notaro. I promise I watch more than chick comedians but I figured as long as I was on the kick I’d continue to educate you on the best.
While Tig is a super hilarious character, she became even greater in my mind after surviving breast cancer, a double mastectomy, her beloved mothers death and then turned it all into a wonderfully emotional stand-up set and then Amazon TV show. Sometimes we enjoy peeps more because we truly relate to their experiences and words that come out of their mouth. After dealing with my own beloved fathers death, and spending time with family under those circumstances (including step-parents as Tig does) Tig’s show One Mississippi literally made me LOL and cry from my own realistic memories all at once. It takes a special show to actually pit your emotions against each other and force them to battle out your own feelings.
The style is artistic, the dialogue realistic, and the humor is the slow, daunting observational ironies that life throws us in times of crises. Following this show means following parts of Tig’s real life. She does her radio show, falls in love and eventually marries. Again, I don’t do spoilers I’m just relating again how much I love shows based on real life. As if all the above wasn’t enough Tig also deals with some childhood memories that many of us can understand but not many of us handle as well as she does and doesn’t, because really, is there a right way to handle trauma?
Today, Tig has some great podcasts and appearances viewers can stream that are highly worth your time. One Mississippi isn’t new and it’s only two seasons on Amazon but all of it is worth it. I cannot stress enough how envious I get of all the physiques of these main characters. I totally understand that Tig had to go through cancer, chemo, a double mastectomy and years of recovery to get her thin model frame but good lord, exercise sucks too! I used to always shop in the boys section because I absolutely hate the curves sewn into women’s shirts and jeans. Then I had two kids, passed age 35 and I began to wonder why the dude clothes didn’t have curves sewn in to fit me better.
I’ve got some fun shows even podcast episodes lined up to review this week, but as long as my comedian comedies keep popping into my mind I wanna be sure to cover them all. Drama is great and docs are educational but nothing keeps a mind healthy like dirty, real comedy.
The Crawford CategoriesOne Mississippi falls into are for sure: Drama Club, LOL, and Mama Likes
The best part about sexuality is you don’t have to be gay to enjoy gay jokes, you don’t have to be straight to enjoy straight jokes. In fact, my favorite people are the ones still walking around confused what all the letters stand for because at least they’re trying. Humans are humans people and until I find anyone funnier – lesbian comics are still the best I’ve seen, the hardest I’ve laughed and the people that remind me most often it’s fine if I have curves and still dress like a boy.
Again with the UK and a superb-ulous female comedian that created a killa show. The Netflix show Feel Good has made me realize I have no categories to alert viewers to LGBTQ or sexual content – and that made me realize, I’m not going to either. Spoiler alert: I’m going to let you get surprised that way you can just eat your judgements like the rest of us. With hot sauce. I’ve had enough people in my own life ask if I was a boy or a girl to know the best way to avoid sexuality issues is just to talk about all of them, make a fuss about none of them and accept people for what they are: people.
That being said, in the show Feel Good, Mae is openly lesbian which is also refreshing that she’s not like an angsty teen but she truly does know who she is most of the time. I’m only deciding it is relevant because it very well part of the plot line. While I understand Mae also has the androgynous vibe I used to have with my short blonde hair, before I literally developed the exact same chest measurements of my beloved grandma (God rest her soul), I could see how Mae (the character and in real life) probably gets exhausted with the he/she/boy/girl questions. How I used to handle those is simply by stating: I know you are but what am I? …And, that solved nothing, so not really recommended.
Mostly, none of that is neither here nor there because the Hard Truth parts of this LOL Drama Club show are that Mae is not only a real stand-up comedian playing a version of herself, but she is also a recovering addict.
Now students, here’s a fine time to also let you know that just like the sexuality question it is also not appropriate (once becoming aware) to question one’s drugs of choice unless you are in an abandoned church basement sitting in a circle drinking bad coffee. Don’t be rude. Once again, they’re human and unless offered openly, it ain’t none of your bizness! Feel Good is the kind of funny that is funny to those of us that have been through these crappy situations. It’s relatable. It’s silly. It’s short and sweet as Mae continues to travel along her personal highs and lows while developing her stand-up career and a new relationship, plus sobriety! Yay! I mean really, it is a hard knock life.
Again, and like always with main characters, I’m envious of Mae’s physique and outfits. That seems to happen with like, every single show I watch. I actually in real life somewhat resemble Mae if it were the me from ten years ago. Today I look like I ate Mae and all of her went to my boobs and butt. Mae is a nervous wreck and a confident soul mixed up in one tiny body so technically I could have probably eaten two of her to get to the size I am now. Some highlights are Lisa Kudrow as Mae’s mom, and Charlotte Ritchie from another great show Call the Midwife. I for real love all the peeps in this show and also again the idiots that reviewed this negatively on IMDB were clearly drunk children.
The Crawford Categories I mentioned for this show fall under: LOL, Chick Flick, Dude Food, Drama Club and Hard Truths. Yes, it’s a doozy, but a worth it doozy.
My absolute fave thing (among all the other faves we will encounter together) is when a writer-creator-comedian-woman creates and stars in her own sitcom. That’s what The Duchess is: a hilarious wonderfully written, beautifully costumed sitcom that not everyone will love, but I do. In fact, I can name the people that will love The Duchess as much as me because they all sat next to me in my high school classes making fun of most everyone as we acted as Queens of the Campus: Carly, Brynn, Lynn, Sarah and and Darlene would all love The Duchess just as much as me.
Let’s go over why The Duchess, Katherine Ryan – creator and star – has made such a show that is up literally all of my alleys. First, it’s a chick show for chicks. Yes, dudes will like it too and can watch it but they won’t laugh nearly as loudly because to enjoy boob and birthing jokes to the maximum you usually have to have boobs and have given birth. Second is why online streaming is the best thing to come along since to come along since sliced bread – peeps online can say anything! *Sidenote: before sliced bread, I like to imagine peeps would just take a bite right out the center of the loaf 🙂 “Dang it Steve! I was gonna eat that crusty hump piece!”…
Anyway, streaming allows freedom of speech: F*ck, p*ss, sh*t, poop – it doesn’t matter that these things are said, for this show it is the context and quickness in which they are said that makes Ryan so flippin’ hilarious. Tres, it’s a mom show. While being the hot mess beauty queen Ryan is in the show the premise is largely based on the fact that she has to be who she is – as many of us do – while raising a mini me kid, usually one that is oddly more mature than us. There’s some other great shows that do the parenting thing too: I’m Sorry is great, Working Moms is awesome, The Letdown is cool, but The Duchess is for real queen of them all. They’re all good, they all discuss vaginas and men realistically, but The Duchess does it in London so you know, it’s like a higher level of sophistication with its raunchy, but polite comedy.
“Well, your opinion is garbage. That’s the problem with free speech – great idea ’til you realize it applies to everybody.”
Episode 1, The Duchess
I again did not research much for this educational analysis about how I spend my time I just want to clarify that any woman that watches The Duchess will want to be The Duchess in her own world. I’m again envious of the outfits, then I want her comedic quickness, her bravery, her artistic job of making boob ceramics, her brashness, I’d even take her ex and baby daddy that used to be a singer in a boy band. Who wouldn’t? The show starts like so many others don’t: a mother wants to give her daughter a brand new baby sibling as a birthday gift. Then, she finds out it’s not quite as easy as she assumed. We all have those stupid moments of reality when our easy lovely dreams are crushed by an earth covered in red tape.
That ALL being said, I oddly took time to read some of the reviews of this show on my only research site: IMDB and let me speak for everyone that reviewed this show negatively by saying: you’re a dumb idiot. Some people don’t get humor, some people don’t have brains, and this show needs both of those to understand that Ryan is an actual genius with this show’s creation and production. If all those dumb reviews don’t get this show seventeen more seasons I’m gonna start looking up actual addresses people.
Best highlights: that kid’s dang english accent. Ah! I could eat it for breakfast like biscuits and tea! The soundtrack = best chick tunes all in one place I didn’t know I needed so bad.
She is over the top, nuts and it is a show people! Those that don’t like it are what we all know as: jealous. Jealous they aren’t funny, jealous they don’t have a show, and jealous they don’t have the girl balls to say any of the crap said on this show, while looking immaculate.
But, brilliance is not for everyone.
The Crawford Categories I put this show in are: Chick Flick, LOL, Mama Likes
The best part of this chess kickin’ chick flick in my humble opinion are the outfits, the decor, and the cars. As The Queen’s Gambit focuses on a child prodigy and orphan (my fave of all narratives, hence: Anne of Green Gables, Pippi Long-stocking…and apparently the smartest of orphans are also red heads) this show is right up my childhood alley where strong girl fights against her environment to better herself despite a number of setbacks.
The beauty of this Netflix original is how it entices viewers to somehow want to play or understand chess better. Or that could just be me. I’m impressionable so I should speak for only myself especially because the show also made me want to swallow handfuls of Librium and drink martinis just because protagonist Anya Taylor Joy, known as Beth makes it look so exotic.
There isn’t a lot of suspense – foreshadowing leads us to believe Beth will beat the boys and become Chess Queen of the world so the show is more about her journey of coming into her own as an adult and a chess champion during the decades where men rule and women drool (from tranquilizers). I do think it’s a show for everyone over 13 since most of the risqué behavior was considered normal in the sixties and seventies it’s not like they’re breaking many laws.
Subtle and quiet scenes allow viewers to focus on the characters as much as the games being played and again in my opinion, there can never be too many movies made where men underestimate women and then women kick their ass all while keeping their hair perfectly pinned in place.
My favorite productions are always the ones that are period pieces, particularly the sixties because all decor was so colorful but elegant and the outfits were the same. It’s a short series with each episode about an hour long and highlights actress Taylor-Joy as the attention grabbing beauty she truly is. Even her hands are immaculate. I only review the ones I think are worth the time watching and this one is just as much sad as it is hopeful which is a nice balance in our pandemic and still apocalyptical-obsessed society. In short, I’m happy with anything right now that isn’t zombies – even happier when it showcases a smart chick. The Queen’s Gambit even made me get out the chess board and force my six year old to lose to me.
Among Crawford’s Categories this one is for sure: Drama Club, Chick Flick, Family Room.
For more information on the deets of this series as always check out IMDB.com + The Queen’s Gambit and stream it with your surely-you-have Netflix subscription.
Below is a list of movies and shows I have actually watched that I believe are worth the time of watching. Yes, there is a ton more to watch and I have seen more of it, however this LIST is only the productions I truly enjoyed. I will continue to add to it and add details to it, but this is a pretty good start of what I believe is some of the best entertainment out there today on Apple TV, Netflix, and Amazon Prime specifically.
Since I’m on a movie kick – I’m going to start by describing my movie styles which is really pretty irrelevant because I watch all forms, genres and whatever my family is watching. Regardless, the movies I navigate towards on my own are often crude, smart comedy, girl power plots and hot dudes. I love biographies or true stories of inspiration. However, I’m an artist – my fave filmmaker is Stanley Kubrick – I could watch Dr. Strangelove or The Shining over and over again because they are so much greater than the surface of the plot.
That being said, the movies I’ve actually watched on repeat other than all the Kubrick’s are the Free Willy trilogy (I love orcas), Legends of the Fall (I love Brad Pitt), Robin Hood Prince of Thieves (I love Kevin Costner), Elizabeth (I love strong women & Cate Blanchett) plus every Adam Sandler & David Spade flick ever. So despite my true cinematic loves, I’m a addict for good films with hot actors. As far as non-American films go my number one foreign film is no doubt The Bicycle Thief and I absolutely love the original Breathless. Mostly, I love it all. I’m not a huge fan of blood and guts but well I am married to a man that doesn’t love Brad and Kevin quite as much as I do. Plus, I’ve watched Troy back to back one day all alone in sweat pants and even some parts on slow-mo. I digress. I just love movies, music, TV, but mainly great writing, art, and storytelling.
From here on I’m gonna list a lot of lists, describe a bunch of movies and shows with really no rhyme or reason to which or why. Some will be older, some will be classics, some will be for families because I have kids I watch stuff with and some will be brand spanking new streaming options. What I won’t do is rate them with tomatoes or stars or even my thumbs – I’ll do my best to summarize but the judgement will be up to you. When has two stars or three tomatoes ever helped you decide what to watch? What I think is important is the category so viewers can determine if that is something they are in the mood for. We all feel like watching different things at different times in our lives and knowing where something fits I believe helps with that decision. So far, here’s the “categories” I’ve come up with to help you understand my perspectives on all streaming, downloading and viewing options. Of course some productions will for sure fall into more than one category but here’s what I’ll start with – some you know of – some are my own personal descriptive creations:
Chick Flick – A show or movie that the majority of women enjoy. Also, gay men love chick flicks which is why I wanted a newer, better description but let’s face it – some phrases are just too well known to change up. Best examples of Chick Flicks: Steel Magnolias, When Harry Met Sally and my personal faves, George’s Clooney’s One Fine Day and Sandra Bullock’s While You Were Sleeping.
Dude Food – A show or movie that men literally crave like food due to the excessive violence, blood, over the top car chases, explosions and big breasted women. These are extreme and often cause women to literally cover their eyes then lay awake at night wondering what the hell is wrong with men. I once walked into a room a night we had no children at home in a new outfit excited for some couple time and my husband was in the middle of a “dude food” movie. Without even looking up in my direction he held up one finger and said, “Hold on – there’s about to be a shootout.” So. Best examples of Dude Food are: Rambo (one through the other seventy nine), Braveheart, and Platoon – all of which I’ve seen – all of which were nights my husband got to pick the flick.
Family Room Flick – Pretty self explanatory. These movies can be played on the big TV in the family room where everyone can see and hear the whole movie. These don’t have to be muted at times or fast forwarded, some are just for kids, but my faves are the ones even parents enjoy. As a child in my house these movies were Swiss Family Robinson, The Parent Trap, and all the Disney Sunday Night Movie Specials, which I will list eventually for your entertainment. Today, while I’ve shown my family all those listed above the newest and most frequent are Secret Life of Pets 1 and 2, The Croods, and most everything involving an Avenger.
Docs and Hard Truth: Documentaries are great, but some are just educational which for all of our understanding I will refer to as Docs. Not my favorite shoes Dr. Martens, but actual documentaries. Those I call Hard Truths are the real gut wrenchers I think are very important. While a Doc example would be This Is It with Michael Jackson, a Hard Truth would be Leaving Neverland, also with Michael Jackson. There is a great difference and no matter how much it sucks, I often force myself to watch the Hard Truths. My only disclaimer is that some Hard Truths – could actually be lies though the best have very accurate proof. I will not defend either side despite knowing my opinion is always right 🙂 I will merely mention some things in life are hard to digest, but good to know. Two more great Hard Truth examples are Blackfish and The Cove. Ahhh! And I’ll leave that, at that.
LOL – means laugh out loud, but I used to believe it meant “lots of laughs”. Haaa. Either way, our LOL category is both of those, things that make you laugh out loud and laugh a lot. Stand up. Sandler flicks. SNL sketches. My best and fave examples of these are also comedy classics: Dumb and Dumber, Tommy Boy, the newer Due Date. However, not all LOL’s are slapstick stupid. I absolutely love the way The Favorite makes me LOL as does another of my college year flicks Michael Douglas’s Wonder Boys. When I say LOL though I mean I laugh, I can’t guarantee you will.
Classic – is just that. A classic. A classic to me, just for reference is the above mentioned Parent Trap – with Hayley Mills. Or Old Yeller or Grease. But it can also mean Caddyshack, The Great Outdoors, Alien or A Clockwork Orange. I do rewatch these great works and I will review them because it’s good to see how things have stood the tests of time and to reminisce. One thing you’ll learn is I wasn’t allowed to watch anything above a PG rating until I was nearly in college. We didn’t have cable either so my viewing was very limited and I’ve spent years catching up and paying attention to what I missed. This means some “classics” are even fresher in my mind and coming from a very different perspective.
Drama Club – these are different than chick flicks. Less romantic, more serious and often important. The ones that come to mind immediately deal with human issues like addiction and poverty. Drama Club doesn’t mean dramatic in a negative way, it means dramatic in a real way that will make you feel real emotions. A great semi-recent Drama Club flick is Beautiful Boy, though it also would join the BIO category as it’s based on a true story which many Drama Club stories are. Some more examples of these are Philadelphia, Dallas Buyers Club, and The Tale. All worth watching, all will move you to weepiness or just plain reality at some point.
BOOKS & BIOS – These are movies/shows based on books (fiction and non-fiction) or based on biographies. Easy. These are also my FAVE of the FAVES. My most recent great biography flick is Shia Labeouf’s HoneyBoy in which he recollects his childhood by playing the role of his actual father. Another amazing show on Amazon is the great comedian Tig Notaro’s semi-autobiographical hilarious show called One Mississippi. I love all biographies about queens of the past, shows like The Crown, and anything that is a loved book that I can then watch as an on screen adaptation. Some of those worth mentioning are of course all The Chronicles of Narnia, Little Women, and Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Capote, bonus = both a bio and a book!
Blockbuster – another category I can’t change because we all know what it is despite the real thing no longer being in existence. These are the crowd pleasers. The money makers. The feel-good movies of the year. I won’t review many of these unless it truly is remarkable mainly because I love hidden gems, quiet genius, and stuff I can search for and watch on my couch. Regardless, some my fave Blockbusters are for sure Iron Man, Armageddon, and really I’ve always loved ConAir I don’t care how bad Nicholas Cage’s accent is it is entertaining and comes with that amazing 90’s LeAnn Rimes song!
Musicals – are the loves of my life because they combine two brilliant things film and music. Best and faves: That Thing You Do, Footloose (both of them!), Grease, and The Greatest Showman – hello Zac Efron and Hugh Jackman! 🙂
Horrific – I’m not into horror. But I do watch some, rarely. Therefore, I will list this category for when something does scare the crap out of me. In high school it was The Blair Witch Project and Silence of the Lambs. If I do review any of these it is because I’ve been conned into it by my husband or a friend though it will be an odd day if I find any of them particularly riveting.
Mama Likes – this is more than a chick flick, this is Magic Mike or Breathless the American version. These are the movies that women want to watch at home with wine and their dog and not be interrupted for anything. Chick Flicks are satisfying, Mama Likes movies are mesmerizing and trust me, necessary for a woman. Mama Likes movies fulfill the part of a woman’s life that is not being met by daily parent teacher meetings and meal preps. What Dude Food is for men, Mama Likes is for moms, not moms, and all women in general. A few more examples are Legends of the Fall, Dances with Wolves, of course The Notebook then anything else with Channing Tatum. Hello.
SO. There’s the categories thus far. If I run into something to review that does not fit the above, I’ll make up some more, but the gist of it is – most of what I watch does fit into the categories above. After I write about some production, I’ll finish by listing where I think it fits to summarize easily. And warning: I’m not Ebert or the IMDB site, I will look things up but I will also make mistakes. I’m not doing a thesis here I’m saving peeps time by giving deets without giving away the whole shebang. Keep following. It will be random, but it will be a great way to decide on how to spend some time without scrolling and scrolling forever through every streaming service. I’ll watch, I’ll tell you what I think and of course, I’ll be honest 🙂
Johnna Nicole Crawford 